THE 12 TYPES OF FACEBOOK USERS: Which one are you?!

(A simple bit of fun for a Friday afternoon!).


The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. "I'm waking up." "I had Weetabix for breakfast." "I'm bored at work." "I'm stuck in traffic." You're kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because you have 432 Facebook friends doesn't mean we all want to know when you're waiting for the bus.

The Self-Promoter. OK, so we've probably all posted at least once about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to read how fabulous your life is compared to theirs. But when almost EVERY update is a about your wonderful kids/grandkids, gooooorgeous partner, expensive purchases, amaaaazing social life, you sound like a bragger or just simply very self-centered..

The Friend-Padder. The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the site. Schmoozers and social butterflies -
you know, the ones who make ‘best’ friends with everyone they meet - might reasonably have 300 or 400. But 500+ ‘friends?’ Unless you're George Clooney or just won the lottery, no one has that many. That's just showing off.

The Town Crier. "Michael Jackson is dead!!!" You heard it from me first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on ITV. These Moira Stewart wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors,
half-truths and innuendo…

The TMIer. "John is heading to Everetts to buy something for these pesky hemorrhoids." Boundaries of privacy and decorum don't seem to exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad Grammarian. "So sad about Fara Fauset but Im sooo gladd its friday yay". Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the digital world, and if you’re under 25 – it’s not your fault, it’s the poor education of today. And, no, no one likes aspelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But you sound like a moron.


The Sympathy-Baiter. "Barbara is feeling sad today." "Man, am I glad that's over." "Jim could really use some good news about now." Like anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks - baited with vague tales of woe - in the hopes of landing concerned responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts are just pleas for attention.

The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their
status or write on your wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding in the shadows. It's just a little creepy.

The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog comments, never met something they couldn't complain about. "Carl isn't really that impressed with idiots who don't realize how idiotic theyare." [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.


The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that someone's posted a photo of you from last
weekend's party -- a photo you didn't authorize and haven't even seen? You'd really rather not have to explain to your Mum why you were leering like a drunkenmoron and french-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Obscurist. "If not now then when?" "You'll see...", "John is, small world." "Dave thought he was immune, but no. No, he is not." [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you're not being mysterious -- just nonsensical.

The Chronic Inviter. "Support my cause. Sign my petition. Copy and Paste this. Play Mafia Wars with me. Which
'Star Trek' character are you? Here are the 'Top 5 cars I have personally owned.' Here are '25 Things About Me.' Here's a drink. What drink are you? We're related! I took the 'What Prime Minister Are You?' quiz and found out I'm Winston Churchill! What Prime Minister are you?" You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don't care what Prime Minister I am - can't we simply be friends?

Now excuse me while I go post the link to this on my Facebook page....

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